im tired

._ if i would die today, what would could happen to me? i'm tired pretending to be happy. if i have to turn back time , would it be the same?. i feel so useless. i seldom hear appreciation  from others, specially to my parents. I was always the unwanted baby from the family, i was once a victim of contraceptives! even though my mom asked for forgiveness a  million of times, i could still feel the pain inside, bothering my whole being. my mom and dad broke up because of me :(  and my sisters blamed me for that. im the fruit of my moms sin :(  i can truly say, life is so unfair for me. i had so many questions in my mind, but i rather choose to keep quite and keep it to myself. i could really still feel the pain. the burdens that affects my actions and decisions in life, i always wanted to be  successful  but people around me tend to discouraged me.what if my mom's pill before work? and i could never have the chance to experience life. i could never have the chance to feel this pain today. i always wanted to prove to everybody that I CAN. in highschool years, i've been a good student academically , i maintain a grade 85 and above. during my 1st year in college, my mom broke the news  to me on what had happen before, my dad was so depressed knowing that i'am not his son. my sisters are shocked knowing that i'm just their half brother. after that, our family is broken. i was so depressed at that time finding answers to my questions. everytime i go to school the wors "WHY?" is always crossing on my mind :(  my grades flanked after knowing the story told by my mom..and i guess up to now . im still not OK :(  why? why? why?  why?  :((((((( i'm tired.